Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
