I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
