i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
