okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
