its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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