never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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