you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to calm my uterus...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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