if you like me you must not know who I am
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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