Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
