oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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