I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
