At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
