The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
