ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
