i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
