I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
