I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
