I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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