I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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