Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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