Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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