I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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