we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
