oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
what is it with giant penises always finding me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
