Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
