i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
