my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
