There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
