Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
