she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
