pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
