I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
