OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
