my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
