How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
