I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
