What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
