We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
