Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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