I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
