I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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