Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
