It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
