Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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