the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
false alarm, still single
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
