dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
