I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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