Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
