Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
