Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
