BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
