And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
